Action4Balance

Being assertive is not just using a certain set of communication skills or behaviours.

Assertiveness is, first and foremost an attitude of mind with an accompanying set of beliefs about yourself and the world around you.

Learning the skill of assertiveness can help you reduce stress in many ways.

Take Action - ask yourself simple questions:

1. Can you say 'No' without guilt?

If you are in a position to do so, I want you to say the word, "No" out loud.

Did the world come crashing down around you? Chances are, it didn't!

The reason the ability to say no is so important is this: Your time and energy on earth is limited.

You have things to do and only a limited amount of time to do them in.

If you are busy saying "yes" to the wrong things, you will not have time left to say "yes" to the right things.

Before you can say 'No' without guilt, you have to be clear about the things that are important to you.

For example, self-care is very important. (You are your greatest asset, remember?)

However, if your schedule is so packed that you haven't left time for that and doing things that bring you joy, then something is wrong.

You need to look at your day and figure out the things that you need to eliminate to have time for the things you value.

Everyone may not like it, but it's your life and you deserve to live it in the way that suits you best.

2. Do you set boundaries with people?

Ever heard the saying, "Give an inch and some people will take a mile"?

It is so true! You do one thing for certain people out of kindness and they came back to you with a list of 10 more.

Or you loan them money because they said they were in danger of being kicked out of their apartment. Two months later, they are back...only this time, they need rent money and the car payment too.

Here are some words to live by: We teach people how to treat us.

If someone has treated you in a disrespectful manner and you don't say anything, then you have just told that person that it is okay to continue doing it.

You must speak up and tell people when they have crossed the line. You can do it in private, and do it respectfully but it must be done. Otherwise, resentment will pile up and probably explode.

3. Do you state your opinions without apology?

On this point, I am not talking about being obnoxious.

But don't say "I don't know" or "I don't care" if asked for your opinion when you really do. I

t's disrespectful to yourself when you lie like that.

I believe it diminishes your confidence and sends a message to yourself and others that you aren't important.

It seems like a small thing but it makes a big difference in your self-esteem and the way you manage your stress.

Working with a coach is an extremely useful way to develop assertiveness techniques, and to examine and adjust the beliefs that may be influencing your behaviour.

Recommended: Boost Your Self-Esteem and Assertiveness

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