Stress Management Coaching ArticlesStress Management Coaching Articleshttp://www.action4balance.com/journal/2012-02-10T20:21:19ZSquarespacePause. Breathe. Act. You Can’t Undo Send in Real Lifehttp://www.action4balance.com/journal/2012/2/4/pause-breathe-act-you-cant-undo-send-in-real-life.htmlInese Millere2012-02-04T15:11:03Z2012-02-04T15:11:03ZStressed, angry, feeling like yelling at somebody…”Count until ten”…we all know that. But do we count? Or we react?

Do you know that Google has a feature for Gmail – “Undo Send”?

Once you hit "Send" Gmail holds the email for five seconds, during which time you can stop the email from going out.

What's interesting is that, apparently, a five-second pause is all most people need to realize they've made a mistake.

What about a real life? When you meet somebody in person or on the phone? Unfortunately there is no “Undo Send” button.

Spilt water can't be gathered. Said words won’t turn back. Though, we try to undo send. But we can’t. People tend to remember…

What can we do instead?

How about avoiding the unproductive "Send" in the first place?

1-2-3-4-5 seconds, maybe its enough to avoid additional stress of beating ourselves up for what have we said or how have we reacted?

Perhaps that's all we need to avoid making the mistake. Five tiny seconds.

What science says?

When we are angry ready to yell at somebody we set our stress reaction in motion:  Immediately your heart rate increases. Adrenaline flows. And your emotions flood in.

There's no rule that says we need to respond to something right away. Pause. Take a few breaths.

There are direct pathways from sensory stimuli into the amygdala, which is the emotional response center of the brain. When something unsettling happens in the outside world, it immediately evokes an emotion.

When under emotion (on our way to spoil relationships, both professional and personal) we are not able neither to think rationally nor make good decisions.

So, how do you get beyond the emotion to rational thought?

When you are about to get into fight with somebody, similar war is going on in your brain between your prefrontal cortex and your amygdala. Amygdala sets stress reaction in motion, prefrontal cortex is calming down guy.

How we could help our prefrontal cortex win the war.

Simply as it is all you need you have always handy – your breathing. Take a deep breath and delay your action, so you give the prefrontal cortex time to control the emotional response.

Slowing down your breath has a direct calming affect on your brain: brain perceives that stress danger is over.

It won’t take long your prefrontal cortex to overcome your amygdala. Just little a second or two.

Take Action:

When you are about to react on your negative emotion Stop… Take a Deep Breath and give your prefrontal cortex a little time to win. Then respond, not react.

It takes only a few seconds. We don’t have that “undo Send” button in real life.

Pause. Breathe. Only then act. 

 

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]]>Pink Bubble Meditationhttp://www.action4balance.com/journal/2012/2/2/pink-bubble-meditation.htmlInese Millere2012-02-02T18:14:19Z2012-02-02T18:14:19Z

 

 

 

Imagine your fantasies wrapped in pink bubbles floating into the air and allowing the Universe to bring them in manifestation! Sounds like fun? Well, it is. Engaging in the creative visualization exercise can apparently help you to take stress out of your dreams. 

The Pink Bubble meditation technique is something that Shakti Gawain has created. I met Shakti through her amazing book Creative Visualization about 10 years ago. Since then her books have become my refrence books. 

 The Pink Bubble meditation is simple and wonderfully effective.  

 

 

Exercise:

  • Sit or lie down comfortably, close your eyes and breathe deeply, slowly, and naturally. Gradually relax and feel this meditation taking you deeper and deeper.
  • Imagine something that you would like to manifest. Imagine that is already happened.
  • Picture it as clearly as possibly in your mind. Now in your mind's eye surround your fantasy with a pink bubble; put your goal inside the bubble. Pink is the color associated with the heart, and if this color vibrations surrounds whatever you visualize, it bring to you only that which is in perfect affinity with your being.
  • The third step is to let go of your bubble and imagine it floating off into the universe, still containing your vision. This symbolizes that you are emotionally "letting go" of it.
  • Now it's free to float around the universe, attracting and gathering energy for its manifestation.

There is nothing more you need to do. 

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]]>10 Ways to Achieve Work/Life Balancehttp://www.action4balance.com/journal/2012/1/21/10-ways-to-achieve-worklife-balance.htmlInese Millere2012-01-21T16:41:31Z2012-01-21T16:41:31ZIs your busy schedule running you ragged?

Studies show that we are running at a faster pace than in generations past. Between work, family and the daily demands of life, there is little time left in a day to decompress. Unfortunately, when you don’t take time out to relax, you can be headed for trouble. Emotional and physical problems are often the result of over-stressed, over-tired adults on the go.

If you’re running on empty, it’s time to make some changes. Following are ways that you can find more time in the day and ultimately take better care of yourself.

1. Identify commitments you made that you dread including memberships, time-wasting meetings, etc. Learn to say no and eliminate them.

2. Start and end each day with a To Do list and then prioritize each task. Odds are that you won’t accomplish every task on the list so tackle the most important items and then forget about the rest when the day is over.

3. Make a list of goals. This will help you focus on what is important. Goals should include short-term and long-term plans for your business, personal life and family. 

4. Set a schedule for daily and weekly activities and put them on your calendar. For example, dedicate one hour per week to updating your blog or decide that you will make sales calls between 9am to 10am each morning. When you start blocking out your time for tasks, not only will you use your time more wisely, but you will start meeting goals and will put an end the multi-tasking cycle.  

5. Get organized. Countless hours can be wasted due to missing paperwork and lost time can equate to lost income. Schedule time to take care of the clutter and either hire a professional organizer or dedicate yourself to getting systems in place and finding a home for everything in your work and home space. 

6. Check e-mail no more than two to three times per day (morning, afternoon and end of the day). Organize messages with folders and try to touch each message only once. 

7. Take frequent breaks throughout the day. Sitting at a desk all day is a recipe for disaster resulting in back and neck problems, headaches and carpal tunnel syndrome. Get up, walk around, stretch, breathe, have a glass of water and take a few minutes to clear your head. 

8. Keep your energy up with small meals throughout the day. It’s easy to skip meals when you’re in the heat of the workday, but this can actually impair productivity. Instead of reaching for a caffeine fix, grab a granola bar, piece of fruit or a cup of yogurt. Keep snacks on hand to make it easy to keep your personal engine fueled throughout the day.

9. Leave early at least one day each week. Treat yourself to some time alone or spend some quality time with your family. 

10. Quit doing it all yourself. Outsourcing is a great way to reclaim your time. Think you can’t afford it? Consider what you earn hourly. If you can hire someone to take care of tasks for less, then it’s probably a worthwhile investment. Hire a virtual assistant to help with paperwork, have your laundry picked up, get a landscaper or house cleaner and have your groceries delivered. 

Even implementing just a few of these suggestions can make a dramatic improvement in your well-being. And if any of these suggestions leave you feeling guilty, shake it off. Work will always be there, but if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be of any use at work or at home. Take care of number one and the rest will fall into place.

 

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]]>Stress-Free Productivity: “Salami” Principlehttp://www.action4balance.com/journal/2011/11/15/stress-free-productivity-salami-principle.htmlInese Millere2011-11-15T16:57:19Z2011-11-15T16:57:19ZStress Reduction – Learn Productive Changehttp://www.action4balance.com/journal/2011/9/11/stress-reduction-learn-productive-change.htmlInese Millere2011-09-11T19:14:21Z2011-09-11T19:14:21Z
Dealing with change is about dealing with stress. Change is stressful and isn't always easy, especially when you doubt about where to start.
To help you through here are five crucial steps to productive change:
1. Take care of your health. When you're going through change, you tend to sleep less, eat more, drink more coffee or alcohol and stop exercising. Remember, you need to physically move to start moving the emotions of change through you.
2. Allow yourself quiet time. Sit with what is, even for just 10 or 15 minutes a day. That's when intuition starts taking over and you think, "Oh, I see this" or "oh, I should call this person."
3. Become less selfish. Change is very me, me, me, but the human spirit wants connection, unity, giving, sharing and love. Find a way to give, to share, and to be there for someone else.
4. No labeling. During change, everything seems black and white—this is a good change or that is a bad change. In reality, we don't know what the future holds.
5. Know that we don't live in an either/or world. You don't have to decide between the corporate world and pursuing your dreams, or between ambition and spirituality. We live in an "and" world.
Change isn't always easy, especially when you doubt about where to start.
Holistic stress management coaching enables you to create balanced life by identifying the sources of stress in your life and equiping you with techniques to manage stress more effectively in order to reach the permanent stress reduction and work life balance results.
If you'd like to talk about coaching with me, please contact me directly at info@action4balance.com with a brief description of your situation. Coaching is carried out by phone (you can connect from the comfort of your home or office) in English,  Latvian and Russian.

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]]>How to Deal with People Pleaser’s Stresshttp://www.action4balance.com/journal/2011/8/23/how-to-deal-with-people-pleasers-stress.htmlInese Millere2011-08-23T18:09:21Z2011-08-23T18:09:21ZWhere does your stress come from? In fact, there are three major areas our stressors come from: relationships with ourselves, with others and with society. The key area that triggers most of the stress is relationships with ourselves, though.

Good news: relationships with ourselves is the ONLY stress inducing system we have control over.

Here come the BIG questions:

  • Is it possible to be a part of a society and not to lose yourself in the process?
  • What is the best way to remain connected to something outside yourself (family, community, coworkers) and still remain able to step back and follow your own guidance (live according your values, priorities and purpose)?

The danger (stressor) is that we can lose ourselves in this endeavor and become people pleasers more then self-pleasers. Even being a people pleaser is a common problem, leaders can’t afford to fall into this trap, because it allows for little success and adds enormous stress and a feeling of failure in the long run; you might find yourself living according to somebody else’s life-script but yours, accommodating everybody’s needs but yours.   

Read this famous story of Hindu deity Shiva that clarifies this point.

Parvathi (Shiva’s consort) asked Shiva why, although the earth was so beautiful and human beings were designed to enjoy it, they tend to be so unhappy. Shiva asked Parvathi to accompany him to earth. They watched an elderly couple go along a path from one little village to another. First, he rode on a donkey and she walked beside him. As they reached a village, they heard the villagers say how selfish and mean the man was, to be riding while his poor wife walked. As they approached the next village, he got off and she rode the donkey while he walked. Again, the villagers were very critical, saying that this woman has no respect for her husband who has worked so hard all his life, and that he should be riding. So, when they approached the next village, both sat on the donkey. The villagers were horrified that they could be so cruel to burden the poor donkey with all that weight. So, at the next town, they got down and both walked alongside the donkey. At this point villagers derided them for their foolishness. They had a healthy donkey and no one was riding it.

After observing the episode, Shiva said to Parvathi, “ You see, humans being so much want to please one another, and yet it is impossible”.

And even it is very human to want to please others; nothing (except stress) can’t be gained if you lose yourself in the process. 

Appreciating your own needs, living according to your values and priorities can be difficult, as we are social beings. Though, you are your greatest asset. When you take good care of yourself first you are able increasingly better at taking care of your family, job and be an even more effective leader.                   

If you need additional help along the journey consider holistic stress management coaching with me as your coach and change partner. Coaching will put you on a fast track toward the change you aspire to make and will exponentially shorten a transition curve.

You are your most important asset and as a woman leader you don’t have time to waste.

 

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]]>How to Become an Optimist for Good?http://www.action4balance.com/journal/2011/7/19/how-to-become-an-optimist-for-good.htmlInese Millere2011-07-19T17:35:02Z2011-07-19T17:35:02ZWhat are your habitual thoughts when something stressful happens? What do you say to yourself?

How do you explain it to yourself? Is this self-judgment or self-encouragement you express? Do you use pessimistic or optimistic explanatory style?

Psychologist Martin E.P. Seligman, the father of positive psychology has spent decades studying what is called explanatory style. Explanatory style simply put is the manner you habitually explain to yourself why you experience a particular event, either positive or negative.  

Your explanatory style is what determines whether you're an optimistic or a pessimistic thinker, which impacts your health, longevity, stress level, success, and overall wellbeing.

If you generally tend to blame negative events or yourself, believe that such events will continue forever, and let such events affect negatively many aspects of your life you might have a pessimistic explanatory style. Self-judgment, the belief that something is wrong with us, that we are not worthy of love is an example of pessimistic explanatory style and triggers self imposed stress. For many women leaders this fundamental lack of security may translate into chronic stress, anxiety, depression, addiction, and burnout.

Conversely, those of you who generally tend to blame others for negative events, believe that such events will end soon, and do not let such events affect too many aspects of their lives display what is called an optimistic explanatory style.

In order to reduce a great deal of stress and be even more successful in your personal and professional life you might consider stopping a self-blame and self –judgment for good and transit from being a pessimist to live as an optimist.

How to dispute pessimistic negative thoughts and learn to argue with yourself?

Take a minute to think back to the last time something negative and stressful happened. An argument with somebody, you failed an important presentation, having problems at work? Think about the situation and write the thoughts you had about why it happened.

Did you like that little nagging negative pessimistic voice inside your head telling you that you were a failure and things were NEVER going to change for you? It’s hard enough to experience a stressor, but adding insult to injury with a pessimistic explanatory style is like putting a salt on a wound.  

According to Seligman the best way to turn away from being a pessimist and become an optimist is to learn a set of skills about how to talk to yourself when you encounter stress, be it a pressure at work, a difficult co-worker, a traffic jam, or any personal failure.

In order to change something we need to be aware of it though. This means that the first step is to start by paying attention to your self-sabotaging negative pessimistic thoughts. We are so used to them that they have become unconscious part of us and we need to start consciously paying attention in order to ‘catch’ them. It would take some time. Be patient. You might find using a thought/stress diary useful. Only when you are aware of your negative thoughts (beliefs) you can start changing them and eventually become an optimist. Without awareness of your thinking style, it is impossible to start making better decisions. 

When you are aware of your pessimistic negative thoughts (you notice them every time they pop up in your mind) you can start disputing them looking for the evidence, alternatives, and usefulness.

  • Evidence

NOTHING I ever do seems to be right/Things are ALWAYS going wrong for me/Why is it ALWAYS my fault?/EVERYBODY thinks I'm dull/stupid/boring.../It ALWAYS happens to me/I will NEVER get the hang of it.

Ask yourself - what is the evidence? Search for evidence pointing to the distortions in your catastrophic explanations. Am I seeing things as they really are or could there be another explanation?

  • Alternatives

Almost everything that happens to you has more then one cause.

What alternative views are there? How might someone else view the situation (my friend, partner, etc.)? Was my assessment changed because I was tired/upset/stressed? What evidence is there to support an alternative view?

Your job is to undo your destructive thinking style and become skilled in generating alternative thoughts even if it could feel sort of awkward as you start your transition from pessimist toward optimist.

  • Usefulness

Does this thought help or hinder me? Is thinking this thought actually solving or achieving anything for me? Is it functional for me to think this way right now? Would it be better if I thought more positively and optimistic?

  • Additional questions to ask yourself

Am I being over-dramatic and "all or nothing"?/Am I condemning myself on the basis of a single action?/Am I ignoring my strengths and thinking only of my weaknesses?/Is it really my fault?

Am I taking it personally for no real reason?/ Am I looking at the black side unnecessarily?/Am I exaggerating the importance of the situation?/Am I expecting the worst when it may not happen?/Am I worrying too much about what people may think of me instead of being myself?/Am I assuming I can't change the situation?/Am I predicting the future from one small incident?

Learning to live as an optimist and love ourselves is a journey. Please, be patient with yourself because it might take some time.

If you need additional help along the journey consider holistic stress management coaching with me as your coach and change partner. Coaching will put you on a fast track toward the change you aspire to make and will exponentially shorten a transition curve from you being a pessimist to become an optimist for good. You are your most important asset and as a woman leader you don’t have time to waste.

 

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]]>Healthy Eating Guidlines for Stressful Timeshttp://www.action4balance.com/journal/2011/7/18/healthy-eating-guidlines-for-stressful-times.htmlInese Millere2011-07-18T10:53:31Z2011-07-18T10:53:31ZSome of you may wonder what on earth has nutrition to do with stress?  

Research has shown that nutrition not only affects our physical health but can also influence our stress levels too.

During the period of stress, the body uses up nutrients quicker than usual and chronic long - term stress damages all body systems, digestive system included and empties all of the body's nutrient reserves Therefore here are some considerations to take into account to develop your healthy diet and vitamin supplementation plan.

Plus, unhealthy foods poison your body and even increases your stress levels .

Click to read the full entry >>>

]]>Stress Free Present vs. the “Trying to Change Myself” Gamehttp://www.action4balance.com/journal/2011/7/11/stress-free-present-vs-the-trying-to-change-myself-game.htmlInese Millere2011-07-11T17:28:37Z2011-07-11T17:28:37ZWomen leaders are always striving for improvement, better achievements and new challenges. Needless to say that, even if it feels good in the short run (an adrenalin rush) and this is how high achieving women are who they are, in a long run it leads to burnout, destroys your health and ages you prematurely.

Bad must become good, the weak strong, and the incompetent competent, the boring charming?  Have you caught yourself thinking that your purpose of life is to measure up to the ideals YOU or somebody else invented? This kind of life approach might be very stressful. 

Are you convinced that nowadays in a highly competitive workplace the only way to reach your objectives is to play the “trying to change myself” game? If so, it becomes very hard to see that you are good enough, talented, beautiful and … (you fill in the blank) and you can enjoy the present exactly the way it is! RIGHT NOW!

Have you noticed how perfect your present is? Maybe it’s not the optimum, but it is perfect to learn from and perfect to grow from. Being in sync with your present is just about the best way to optimize your future.

The following is an except from The Inner Game of Stress by Timothy Gallwey and shows his talk with God: “God was saying, “How long did we spend making this planet, Earth – several billion years, wasn’t it? And how long did it take to evolve the human body? Millions and millions years, as I remember. We put a lot into it.” Then looking at me, God said, “We gave you one of those human bodies. Not a bat, or a worm, or hippopotamus, but a top-of-the-line body to live life on a top-of-the-line planet with other human beings.” Then came a big question:” So, how did you like it? And what did you like most?”

I heard myself replying, “How did I like it? I really didn’t have time to enjoy it that much. I was too busy fixing the world and fixing myself to merely enjoy it.”

As simple as this truth is it was a powerful reminder in the midst of my own daily stress in striving to be different and rushing to plan future instead of enjoying the present: Have I missed the whole point of the gift? Do I have time to enjoy a gift called life that was given to me, or even worse – have I ever unwrapped the package?

In the end, life is about unwrapping and enjoying the gift of life. Endeavor can be quite difficult, even impossible when stress mounts up and becomes a chronic companion in our lives. Although enjoying the gift is the most natural thing in the world.

You and I, at the moment we were born got amazing potential for joy, freedom, and limitless other abilities. All we are asked to do is to use and enjoy the gift.

Only by relaxing into full acceptance of the present (and full acceptance of you being the way you are right now) you can start seeing clearly. When you relax, you go with the flow and keep a beginners mind, you notice that all the clues for attracting whatever you were striving for (stressing, beating yourself up) are really staring back at you. The challenge is to keep your eyes open and remain bright, calm, and nonjudgmental.

Don’t beat yourself up for something that did not go exact the way you wanted (self-imposed stress, indeed). Instead, let the decisions down on you, in their own time.  

It is hard to see new exits from stress situations or to switch the perspective when you are chronically stressed in the midst of turmoil. Only when the dust sits down we can start to see clearly.

Here is my challenge for you:

During the following week become a curious observer of your life, enjoy discovering present, and even the bad parts. You will notice that you can make the most out of reality and in a much calmer and less stressful way just because you are not wishing for it were different.

Stop striving, at least for a momentJ. Take a minute out of your busy day to enjoy the gift of being alive, the gift of air you breathe, the gift of BEING WHO YOU ARE!

If you have any questions about stress or stress management, submit them on my Ask The Expert page!

  

  

 

]]>Overlooked Summer Stress Relief and Burnout Prevention Strategyhttp://www.action4balance.com/journal/2011/6/17/overlooked-summer-stress-relief-and-burnout-prevention-strat.htmlInese Millere2011-06-17T13:05:24Z2011-06-17T13:05:24Z 

Vacation time!!! Where are you going on vacation this summer, is the most asked question these days here in Italy?

“They (Italians) don’t kid around when it comes to vacation as a means to “pull the plug” on stress”, writes Raeleen D'Agostino Mautner in Living La Dolce Vita: Bring the Passion, Laughter and Serenity of Italy into Your Daily Life.

What about you? Are going on a vacation?

Or do you feel like an annual vacation is a luxury that you can't afford?

As from research many high-achieving women don’t take vacations often enough. Although vacations are an important part of enjoying life, preventing burnout and depression, staying healthy, boosting happiness and potentially even extending life expectancy.

‘When we're on holiday, we experience positive emotions such as excitement, relaxation, calmness and tranquility, which all reduce stress and increase our sense of wellbeing,' explains psychologist Dr Ilona Boniwell of the University of East London. ‘This in turn has an impact on our health: we know, for example, that happier people are less susceptible to viruses like coughs and colds.'

Vacation can also gives us the break we need to refresh the body as well as the mind and sprit and so that we can return to our lives refreshed and better equipped to handle whatever stress or challenge comes.

Warning! Don’t bring your working mindset in and leave your PC at home. Remember, that the goal is to get away not only from your physical surroundings, but from your mental routine as well.

The benefits of taking a vacation

There is simply no way to get through a long, exhausting race without replenishing and refueling. But as high-achieving women you just tend to push the limits and running empty.

If you want a relief from the stress that has been accumulating during the last year (I hope not years!!!) its time to refuel and take a vacation. Research shows that a good vacation can lead to the experience of fewer stressful days at least five weeks later! That means that vacations are the gift to yourself that keep on giving.

The manner you decide to spend your vacation has to be as unique as you are.

What to include into your vacation?

Some physical exercise, like walking or hiking. It will help you to metabolize your stress hormones, give yourself an endorphin boost!

Choose a warmer, sunnier place as your vacation. Being outdoors and just be in the sun as much as you can so to enjoy the Vitamin D and other benefits wherever you are. Don’t forget a good sunscreen, of course!

Get some quality 'Me' time all for yourself. Try to find some time to just be. Time when you don’t need to prove, solve, strive, decide. (I know it can be way too boring for women-leaders who are do-ers). Still, give it a try! You'll be glad you did. “Me” time gives you an emotional and mental break from constant striving and achieving that is unnecessary increasing your stress hormone levels.

Get restful sleep. Allow plenty of time for restful and refreshing sleep. A survey conducted by National Sleep Foundation (NSF), found that over two-thirds of women associate their sleep problems with stress. Yet, when pressed for time, over half of women polled said that sleep is the first thing they give up. You may be working with a sleep deficit and need to catch up. Vacation can be a good time to do so and create some bed time routines.

Have fun, enjoy new acquaintances! Laugh! "Laughter is the medicine!" When you laugh, stress decreases and all the mechanisms in your body relax.

Hobby. As all work and no play can make anyone little nuts. No fun at all. Ask any high-achieving woman around you: “What’s your hobby?” and they’ll probably look at you blankly and tell you they don’t have one. Most probably your demanding job takes up all your time. Bet lets play a bit:  “What’s the one thing you’d love to do one day?”…fill in the blank. Vacation could be a good time to discover or re-engage in your hobby, indeed, as they are particularly useful in relieving stress. It can be gardening, drawing, reading, photographing or writing. Whatever you find relaxing. Hobbies are not a waste of time, they can help you become more balanced and fulfilled as a person, outside of your career, which in turn makes you more successful.

Extreme vacations. You might find that just relaxing just isn’t for you, especially if you are high-achieving woman who thrives on challenges. If so, you might like to try extreme vacation which are made for those who loves challenges. You will get all benefits of vacation (being taken away for the stress of a workplace at the first place) plus you will not bore to tears. Just find something that you think will rejuvenate your spirit, and then go for it. 

 

 

 

 

I would love to hear about your vacation plans and experience. You are very welcome to share. Just post a comment.

 

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