Action4Balance

Being assertive is not just using a certain set of communication skills or behaviours.

Assertiveness is, first and foremost an attitude of mind with an accompanying set of beliefs about yourself and the world around you.

Learning the skill of assertiveness can help you reduce stress in many ways.

Take Action - ask yourself simple questions:

1. Can you say 'No' without guilt?

If you are in a position to do so, I want you to say the word, "No" out loud.

Did the world come crashing down around you? Chances are, it didn't!

The reason the ability to say no is so important is this: Your time and energy on earth is limited.

You have things to do and only a limited amount of time to do them in.

If you are busy saying "yes" to the wrong things, you will not have time left to say "yes" to the right things.

Before you can say 'No' without guilt, you have to be clear about the things that are important to you.

For example, self-care is very important. (You are your greatest asset, remember?)

However, if your schedule is so packed that you haven't left time for that and doing things that bring you joy, then something is wrong.

You need to look at your day and figure out the things that you need to eliminate to have time for the things you value.

Everyone may not like it, but it's your life and you deserve to live it in the way that suits you best.

2. Do you set boundaries with people?

Ever heard the saying, "Give an inch and some people will take a mile"?

It is so true! You do one thing for certain people out of kindness and they came back to you with a list of 10 more.

Or you loan them money because they said they were in danger of being kicked out of their apartment. Two months later, they are back...only this time, they need rent money and the car payment too.

Here are some words to live by: We teach people how to treat us.

If someone has treated you in a disrespectful manner and you don't say anything, then you have just told that person that it is okay to continue doing it.

You must speak up and tell people when they have crossed the line. You can do it in private, and do it respectfully but it must be done. Otherwise, resentment will pile up and probably explode.

3. Do you state your opinions without apology?

On this point, I am not talking about being obnoxious.

But don't say "I don't know" or "I don't care" if asked for your opinion when you really do. I

t's disrespectful to yourself when you lie like that.

I believe it diminishes your confidence and sends a message to yourself and others that you aren't important.

It seems like a small thing but it makes a big difference in your self-esteem and the way you manage your stress.

Working with a coach is an extremely useful way to develop assertiveness techniques, and to examine and adjust the beliefs that may be influencing your behaviour.

Recommended: Boost Your Self-Esteem and Assertiveness

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How to Eliminate Tolerations and Destress Life in 6 Simple Steps

I would to talk about the tolerations.

Let’s define tolerations as things that bug us, sap our energy and add stress.

It’s a big part of the human condition to be asked to tolerate a lot of things we don’t like. „Don’t complain,”...” Life is difficult....” ...”Don’t rock the boat”...

None of the above is a bad advice.

Being flexible, adaptable, having gratitude – these are all virtues. But sometimes the virtues turn into vices. I am sure you know where it leads – to stress, anxiety and low self- esteem!

Tolerations are holes in your personal success cup. They drain away your contentment and your good fortune. They drain YOU. They make you feel stressed, less attractive to yourself and surely to your boss, co-workers, business partners and clients.

Take Action:

1. Recognise your tolerations.

To give you idea - here’s are some of things you would like to stop tolerating:

• Not enough storage space for all my office files
• A desk full of stacks of papers
• Peeling wallpaper
• A partner who is not unconditionally constructive with my child or children
• Being overweight
• A web page that needs updating
• Hair that doesn’t look good
• A guest bedroom that needs cleaning up (it looks like a storage room)
• A kitchen that needs a dishwasher (and it shouldn’t be me)
• Not enough time scheduled for dreaming

2. Recognize the many actual benefits of toleration. What payoff are you getting? Is it really something substantial? Or is it simply that you get to avoid standing up for yourself and/or your values?

3. Develop a goal or raise a standard that doesn’t permit you to tolerate in that area. You could prefer to express this in numbers – how many seconds you’ll allow someone to be boring before you redirect, or stop, their routine; how many hours or days you invest in a thorny project before you tell yourself “Enough. Too expensive. Move on!”

4. Reduce or eliminate whatever consequence you fear or whatever risk you run in ridding yourself of the toleration. Would super reserves of time, money, space etc. help? Most likely. But sometimes all it takes is a resolve not to be pushed around by fear.

5. Develop a healthy respect for your tolerations. They might signal an area that needs strengthening: before you eliminate your tolerations, learn from them.

6. Find a support, it could be a friend or a professional.

When you put up with something, it costs YOU: unnecessary costs are unattractive and stressful.

Use your voice. Speak up. Tell your truth. Stop tolerating less than what the wisest part of you knows you deserve.

You are your greatest asset! Take Control of Your Life